Jul 20, 2016

Life on the D Bus

It never gets boring on the D bus. Get into the latest kiki I experienced while riding the bus to work one morning. So this young guy walks in, looking very El Debarge but the hair is more restraint. He is sissying that walk for points. May he live long and prosper. So he heads to the back of the bus and I go back to reading the news on my phone. After about 10 minutes my ears pick up the following conversation involving the El Debarge looking dude and a kinda-banji white girl.

El D Looking Dude: No, I always had that ability. Since I was young I was able to pick up on people's vibrations.

Kinda Banji WG: What? What do you mean by that? You serious?

El D Looking Dude: I can read your aura and feel your vibrations.

Kinda Banji WG: Oh is that right.

El D Looking Dude: I have always been able to do it. You see, if I can read your aura and feel your vibrations, by picking up on your vibrations, then I can control your vibrations.

Kinda Banji WG: You can control my vibrations. (chuckles)

El D Looking Dude: Yes. And, if I can control your vibrations, I can control you thoughts.

Kinda Banji WG: Oh, you can control my thoughts now. (chuckles)

El D Looking Dude: Yes,

Kinda Banji WG: (laughs extremely out loud) Yo, I needed to fucking laugh. The day I am having. I needed to fucking laugh. Thank you man. Thank you.

El D Looking Dude: I know what kind of coffee you are drinking right now. I don't even have to smell it.

Kinda Banji WG: Okay. What coffee am I drinking?

El D Looking Dude: French Vanilla.

Kinda Banji WG: (makes loud buzzer sound) EEEEER! Fail! I fucking hate French Vanilla. (laughs out loud again) You are funny man, You are funny. I needed to laugh. (continues to laugh out loud)

El D Looking Dude: Maybe I should stop talking.

Kinda Banji WG: (exhales from laughing) I needed to laugh. For real.

Jul 19, 2016

How It All Went Down

The Donald:  Just study the video for christ sake! That is all you have to do. Jesus!

The Ivanka:   I don't care if you have to watch it a million times. You're going to get it, and you are going to get it right.

The Trophy Wife: I vant to do good The Donald.

The Donald: I want you with headphones on at night so you sleep listening to her speech. Pretend this is a pageant. You want that crown.

(The Donald turns to campaign advisers)

The Donald: Now, we are sure no one is going to remember this speech from eight years ago. That is what you are telling me. No one, and I mean no one is going to remember Omarosa, (laughs) I mean Michelle saying this damn speech eight years ago. Right?

The Campaign Advisers: Highly unlikely, Highly unlikely. Most people can't even remember what they had for lunch. The only thing their brains can hold is the names of the Kardashians.

(The Donald stares at advisers, than he looks at ground)

The Donald: Ya know! It really doesn't fucking matter. Like I don't have these morons eating out of my hands already. Just make sure the wife doesn't fuck up. I don't need to be attached to a fuck up.