Jan 25, 2013

Behind The Scenes of the Recent Accomplishments

I felt weird after re-reading my post about the recent accomplishments I've made in the beginning of this year.

I left a few significant things out.  The first being that it has taken me two years to begin to make peace with the reality of moving forward without Marcos in my life.

There has been a lot of tears, anger, introspection and fear. I've actually fantasized that his passing was all a bad dream.

In order to deal with this reality I started therapy back in April of last year. I have tremendous gratitude for doing the work that I need to do, so that I can move forward.

I have been working to wrap my brain around losing Marcos. I had to learn how to understand dealing with the loss, the survivor guilt, and the fear about what comes next.

I am using my therapy sessions to understand my feelings, and to hold myself accountable for my choices.

I am also feeling blessed during those moments when Marcos' spirit comes behind me, gently hugs me, and reminds me to get on with it.

Jan 24, 2013

The Year for Change - 2013

So, during this first few weeks of the 2013, I have had some incredibly productive days.

I have been able to get major tasks done that have been on my "to do" list for the past two years.

Among these tasks have been:

  • Donating all of Marcos' clothes to the local Goodwill. I cheated here a bit and had a friend actually clear out those closets and fold everything up into bags. I was then able to get to Goodwill and let the clothes go. 
  • Beginning the process of clearing out the house. I dumped out about 20 bags of stuff! I am saving the good stuff for a possible yard sale.
  • Selling the car that belong to Marcos. I didn't want it and was frustrated with it sitting inside the garage for two years. 
Good people, what you need to understand is that these tasks have been weighing on my mind for quite sometime. I had false starts here and there, and at times wonder if I would ever get them done. Now, within weeks of the new year - I got it done!

I am feeling 2013 is going to be a year of major wonderful changes for me. Well, that is what I am putting out into the universe and working with in my head and heart.

Jan 13, 2013

Jodie Foster Turned It OUT: Addendum

I cried and choked up tonight. Jodie Foster spoke from a place that is truly honest and divine. She let the world know the truth about living, loving, learning, and earning a living. 

I will stop here because I need to take in seeing my childhood idol come out. I will say more later.


Okay, so I pulled it together and this is what I have to say since Jodie's speech:

  • It is hysterical that people are fussing about whether it was a real coming out speech. If you needed to hear gay or lesbian, think about how greater the impact of Jodie talking about her ex and their "modern family."
  • Her coming out was just like mine. I started to come out first to family, then friends, and eventually co-workers. Yes, I came out to people that actually knew me.
  • For those that say she is a public figure and her coming out would have helped the GLBTQ community. Yeah, maybe, or maybe not. She explained her reason for not being "out and loud." 
  • We have to give her props for never creating a false public life that sold her as straight. 
  • Those two young boys raised by one parent that is a world-famous, looked so sweet, connected, and happy. Bravo, Jodie and Cydney, ya did some fierce parenting. 
What I see in the future, from Jodie, is a gradually loudness about who she is, but done in true Jodie style. Also, some projects that have queer characters or stories about the GLBTQ community. 

She is embracing change, and is 50 dammit! Watch out world! Jodie is going to take her work to another level. 

I wish her all the best. 

Jan 6, 2013

Yes! The Conflama Continues

I am so ready for season 3 of Downton Abbey! Bring on the drama, intrigue, scandal and shade.