Jan 25, 2013
Behind The Scenes of the Recent Accomplishments
I felt weird after re-reading my post about the recent accomplishments I've made in the beginning of this year.
I left a few significant things out. The first being that it has taken me two years to begin to make peace with the reality of moving forward without Marcos in my life.
There has been a lot of tears, anger, introspection and fear. I've actually fantasized that his passing was all a bad dream.
In order to deal with this reality I started therapy back in April of last year. I have tremendous gratitude for doing the work that I need to do, so that I can move forward.
I have been working to wrap my brain around losing Marcos. I had to learn how to understand dealing with the loss, the survivor guilt, and the fear about what comes next.
I am using my therapy sessions to understand my feelings, and to hold myself accountable for my choices.
I am also feeling blessed during those moments when Marcos' spirit comes behind me, gently hugs me, and reminds me to get on with it.